(spoken, by John) My father died in the '80s, but in the '40s he was quite famous. He played in the Negro Leagues. He was the first white man to play in the Negro Leagues. I think originally he played for the Brooklyn Dodgers, but then they traded him to the Kansas City Monarchs in exchange for Jackie Robinson or something like that, I don't know. My father was a modest man, and he didn't like to brag about his accomplishments. And they were very great accomplishments.
For example, in 1965, he came to this country with just a few dollars and started the Hare Krishna religion. I still have a picture of him hanging out in Tompkins, showing the hippies how to chant and be happy. Also, my father was the first, and so far only, man to be born with Fallopian tubes. He had his nipple pierced, and his testicles, and his clitoris â?? he was really cool. He used to work for American Standard, the toilet people, and he did some mail drops for the CIA. He always used to say to me, "Son, Lyndon Johnson has always been made out of clothespins, but Eisenhower was a cantaloupe and only now is he Episcopalian. Nothing short of sausages and funnels for as long as you both shall live." He never explained this to me entirely. He never had to.
Speaking of testicles and clitori, about five years after he died, my father wrote a play, and the main characters were named Testicles and Clitorus.